“Comfort, comfort my people,”
says your God.
“Speak tenderly to Jerusalem.
Tell her that her sad days are gone and her sins are pardoned.
So, what do we do about all these upsetting emotions? it seems the odds are stacked against us right?
Well, in Rare leadership we are invited to turn on the VCR.
VCR stands for: Validate, Comfort, and Repattern.
When we are upset we are invited to return to quiet. Return to joy where once again we can be glad to be with others. The way we do this is to turn on the VCR.
To validate an emotion doesn’t mean you agree with it.
1. Name the negative emotion
2. recognize where it originated
3. understand the level of intensity
This meets a person where they are at emotionally.
It names the emotion accurately.
It gives some indication that you can begin to understand why they feel the way they do.
Provide a different perspective or alternative.
However large the problem, our group identity is larger.
This takes place when validating and comforting become the new pattern that guides our responses to upsetting emotions.
If we don’t learn to quiet ourselves through validation and comfort, the upsetting emotions will tend to grow as we fixate on our problems.
If we have a habit of validation and comfort, a new pattern will develop that helps me return to joy quickly.
RARE Leaders meet people where they are at emotionally, find ways to help them change their perspective or fix their problems, and call out what is best in them.
Glad to be with you when one of both of us is upset is the a key measurement of emotional health.
Leaders who do this build resilient groups who don’t get stuck or overwhelmed by big problems or big emotions.
Which of the six upset emotions is a trigger for you most? What can you do about it?