Daily Word: Is there such a thing as healthy shame?
Psalm 12 speaks of using manipulation and lying to our neighbors…
What is toxic shame and is there healthy shame?

Insights from Dr. Jim Wilder

Because God wires us differently, our personalities, as it were, we might react differently to the world. Here is a self-observation…

Daily Word: Psalm 13…On not confusing personality traits with spiritual growth

Do you want to experience more of God’s love?

Do you want to be a more loving person?

Do you want to know how you can make progress being more caring to those people who bug you the most?

We explore how the central biblical themes of love and joy are also wired into our brains.

What does this mean for us as we are living our eternal life now?

 

Joy…

“Sticky” Love…

Identity…

Character-building…

Come and explore!

Dana Hanson is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: Be Your Best True Self: Wired for Transformation

Join Zoom Meeting
https://zoom.us/j/7536741239

Meeting ID: 753 674 1239

Phone only: Dial this number and follow instructions.
+1 669 900 9128 US (San Jose)

Session One Notes

Session Two Notes

Session Three Notes

 

Hey, brothers and sisters in Christ, why don’t we see more transformation in our lives and the lives of Christians around us?

Bible study, spiritual growth classes, lots of prayer, being in a small group, “going to church”… Why doesn’t my life or the lives of so many around me look more like what Jesus would look like if he were me in any given situation?

What’s missing?

We will spend four Mondays@ 6 PM PST exploring this together. Video, teaching, discussion, and exercises…We will join in a zoom meeting and make progress in transformation.

Joy…

“Sticky” Love…

Identity…

Character-building…

Explore with me.

Zoom invitation for the sessions Monday@ 6 pm for the next four weeks

Dana Hanson is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: Be Your Best True Self: Wired for Transformation

Join Zoom Meeting
https://zoom.us/j/7536741239

Meeting ID: 753 674 1239

Phone only: Dial this number and follow instructions.
+1 669 900 9128 US (San Jose)

Notes for session one

Notes for session two

Watch this to find out more…

(More insight from Dr. Jim Wilder on holiday blues and what can be done. Read the prior posts)

God designs ways that make it possible to join with him and make progress in addressing attachment pain. For instance, if you are missing someone, try doing the things you think they would want to do during the holiday. Fir example, if grandma has died, bake her favorite cookies. Decorate like she would decorate.

Remember, all good attachments are an expression of God’s love to us. As I receive the love of God, I can become the love of God for others, and I can carry on the love and goodness that God placed in that person, the one I miss so much, even if they are no longer here. When I share the love and joy they shared, they are here.

Whatever was good about them can be shared by me.

And when your dreams don’t come true with some of those around you who aren’t glad to be with you, take that to God. Ask him. God you made me. How are you dreaming for me, God? Who do you want me to be? Who do I want to be? Listen to how he answers. Get a sense of what he might be saying.

Now, if you are being physically hurt or damaged you will need to remove yourself from the relationship for any healing to occur.

But, if it is just an unhappy relationship, it is mainly because you are not being the person you really like to be.

Just be who you are. Your best true self. Go back to acting like the person you would be if you were loved and cared for. How would you act if you were treated like you want to be treated?

Be that person. Go ahead and act like yourself.

Oh, and one more thing. If your pain isn’t too overwhelming, then what if your dream is to start joy in low joy places? That is God’s dream for every one of us. Grace is when God puts his people in the middle of the parts of the world that could use extra joy.

If our dream is to show up in some low joy places where we bring a bit of joy to the world, there’s a chance to grow joy in a way that people don’t really ever dream of. And when you think about it, some of the people we admire most are those who bring joy in low joy places…

ME

When we act like we would act if we were treated like we want to be treated, how might that change the way others see us?

Yesterday, we looked at attachment pain. Because of how our brains are wired, there is no built in solution to turn off attachmentIMG_8279 pain. When we try to just forget about it and pretend it doesn’t matter. This is the Bah humbug approach.

Sure enough, you can eventually convince your brain that you don’t care. Trouble is, your brain will disconnect the thinking part from the feeling part. You will still have attachment pain, but you won’t know it. Then you’ll ask yourself, Why do I feel so blue this Christmas?

With attachment pain, we have little or no control over our defenses. So, we still dread getting together and we look for ways not to meet.

This also, has something to do with our dreams.  We all have dreams about what life should be like. We have been dreaming since we were little.

“I am going to dream about having joy when I grow up. I’m going to be happy. Jesus puts joy in my heart. Everyone will like everything about me. I will be popular and people will be happy I am there.”

Nothing bad happens in those childhood dreams.

But, when we grow up, our dreams don’t all come true. If our joy is dependent our dreams coming true, we will be disappointed. And when we have a high degree of attachment pain, everything is filtered by it.

We see kids having joy during Christmas and are full of joy…usually.

But, what about if your child dies or your child is sick? What if you want children but are having infertility issues? What seems to bring everyone else joy, those happy children, isn’t bringing joy for you.

Alright, nice bit of Christmas cheer I’m bringing, huh? Well, God gives us a way to experience joy even during the pain. Next…

ME

Have you or someone you know, had a hard time at Christmas when every around you seems happy? What was it like?

Is there going to be somebody missing this holiday season?

Are there people who will not be glad to see you?

Are there people you won’t be glad to see?

Using some helpful insights from neuroscientist and theologian Dr. Jim Wilder, I look at why we may have difficulties with holiday times, “Blue” Christmas and such, and what can be done about it.
Can we be a joy to the world?

God Time: Joy To The World?

 

Endure Hardship Well
Learning to stay relational and continue to act like the person God made me to be during times of struggle and suffering. We examine the five levels of maturity, why most adults are stuck at infant or child maturity, and what God can do about it.

Last in a series using biblical principles and brain science based on “Rare Leadership,” by Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder.

 

Daily Devotions based on this message

vcr-photo-11

Isaiah 40

“Comfort, comfort my people,”

    says your God.

“Speak tenderly to Jerusalem.

Tell her that her sad days are gone and her sins are pardoned.

So, what do we do about all these upsetting emotions? it seems the odds are stacked against us right?

Well, in Rare leadership we are invited to turn on the VCR.

VCR stands for: Validate, Comfort, and Repattern.

When we are upset we are invited to return to quiet. Return to joy where once again we can be glad to be with others. The way we do this is to turn on the VCR.

Validate

To validate an emotion doesn’t mean you agree with it.

1. Name the negative emotion

2. recognize where it originated

3. understand the level of intensity

This meets a person where they are at emotionally.

It names the emotion accurately.

It gives some indication that you can begin to understand why they feel the way they do.

Comfort

Provide a different perspective or alternative.

However large the problem, our group identity is larger.

Repattern

This takes place when validating and comforting become the new pattern that guides our responses to upsetting emotions.

If we don’t learn to quiet ourselves through validation and comfort, the upsetting emotions will tend to grow as we fixate on our problems.

If we have a habit of validation and comfort, a new pattern will develop that helps me return to joy quickly.

RARE Leaders meet people where they are at emotionally, find ways to help them change their perspective or fix their problems, and call out what is best in them.

Glad to be with you when one of both of us is upset is the a key measurement of emotional health.

Leaders who do this build resilient groups who don’t get stuck or overwhelmed by big problems or big emotions.

ME

Which of the six upset emotions is a trigger for you most? What can you do about it?